trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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