Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
