I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
