I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
