i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
