dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
