tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
