i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
