The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
