No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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