i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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