Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
