It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
