i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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