Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
