i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
