I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
