i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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