I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
