Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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