I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
