he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
