Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
