I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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