I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
