Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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