you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
