the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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