i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
