does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
