Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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