when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
