mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
