some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
