took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
