hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
