It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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