i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
