ADVERTISEMENT

• (789): View more from

  If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

  Fav 26 6194 1293

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Toronto

  I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it

  Fav 18 1134 2888

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"

  Fav 12 926 2887

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.

  Fav 22 6013 824

  share tweet
  

• (949): View more from California

  im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume

  Fav 27 1474 4420

  share tweet
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Fav 65 19223 1733

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

  Fav 20 6099 1585

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.

  Fav 12 7474 1322

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

  Fav 45 9488 3068

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

  Fav 8 2933 1215

  share tweet
  

• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  Too much penis in there.

  Fav 8 2071 1037

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom

  Fav 5 1052 636

  share tweet
  

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing

  Fav 0 635 567

  share tweet
  

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'

  Fav 0 27 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (407): View more from Florida

  Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap

  Fav 0 32 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize