alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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