It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ugly people sure do ruin things
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
