Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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