That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
