I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
