we're making bets on your personal life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
