Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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