dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
