Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
