im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
