I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
